Put Some Gay In Your Day, Dallas!

Breaking News: Hillary Wins!

Growing weary of the mudslinging, roadside-diner visits and alleged crocodile tears? Then you’re completely nuts.

And now, thanks to the Hillary Nutcracker, you have something productive to pass the time while watching round-the-clock coverage of the candidates desperately vying for airtime like so many ho-bags on Flavor of Love.

As far as novelties go, this one’s pretty inspired. And she’s the perfect gift whether you’re rooting for Mrs. Bill or want to send her in the mail like a dirty bomb to your staunch right-wing brother-in-law.

Best of all, she’s actually practical (at least more so than the Hillary and Bush toilet brushes). Simply stick your nuts between her legs, squeeze and voilà!—instant chocolate chip cookie ingredient.

So head online or to your friendly neighborhood Urban Outfitters (but call ahead, they keep selling out) and cast your ballot with cold, hard cash. A vote for Hillary is a vote for fiber in your diet!

$24.95 in gift box
$29.95 in gift box with Hillary brand nuts
Online at www.hillarynutcracker.com