Put Some Gay In Your Day, Dallas!

Madonna Mia

August 16, 2008, will mark 50 years since the high priestess of homos, Madonna Louise Veronica Ciccone Ritchie, popped out of her Madonna-mama and into the limelight. And unlike other years where worldwide celebrations and vogue-a-thons were held in her honor, this year, out of respect to her impending crows feet, we urge all gays to just pretend it’s not happening.

That’s right, remain completely oblivious to the fact that her make-up free face is circulating through the tabloids looking like Tutankhamen unmasked, or that she graced New York Magazine as the “new new face” of “plumping not stretching’ plastic surgery.

Nope, we’ll just remember her like a virgin, touched for the very first time, and busy ourselves with these outings to pass the time.

Strum To My Window
Melissa Etheridge
Friday, August 15, 8:00 p.m.
Long before Lindsay Lohan was sipping from the Sapphic cup, Melissa Etheridge was tearin’ up the stage with her raw, earthy sound and leather pants. She even helped Al Gore remind us what a big bunch of planet-polluting jerks we are with her cheery “I Need To Wake Up” from An Inconvenient Truth. And she’s rolling back through Texas for The Revival Tour 2008, so load up the U-hauls, or perhaps the Priuses, and head on down to Grand Prairie.

Tickets: $39 – $104
Nokia Theatre
1001 Performance Place, Grand Prairie

Polly Wants A Crack Whore
Exotic Bird & Pet Show
Saturday & Sunday, August 16 & 17, starting at 9:00 a.m.
Birds: they seem like they would make for the perfect accessory with those fabulously decadent feathers, but have you ever tried to wash cockatiel poop out of a Gucci blazer? Nonetheless, find your own fine feathered friend or a cage to keep your boyfriend in as the Richardson Civic Center gets jam-packed with parrots, puppies and kitties – oh my.

Admission: $4
Richardson Civic Center
411 West Arapaho, Richardson

Go Camping, Without Having To Pee Outside!
Camp Equality
Saturday & Sunday, August 16 & 17
The Human Rights Campaign (HRC) is all about givin’ the power to the people this election year. Camp Equality is a two-day program geared toward teaching participants “key campaign skills and help[ing] America elect fair-minded candidates.” We’re betting it’s also a great place to meet guys that’s not a bar – score!

Cost: $35 registration fee (includes HRC membership)
Sheraton Dallas Hotel
400 N. Olive Street, Dallas

Better Lake Than Never
Summer Catamaran Cruises & Gourmet Dinner
Sundays through August 31, 4:00 p.m.
The wind in your hair and the salty sea stagnant lake air in your lungs – okay, so it’s not like a dinner cruise on the Caribbean, but it’s not bad for a land-locked city. Don your captain’s hat, ascot and best Thirston Howell accent as you indulge in appetizers and cocktails beginning at 4:15 p.m., a one-hour cruise around Lake Ray Hubbard beginning at 5:00 p.m., and then a three-course dinner from Blue Canyon Kitchen and Tavern. Reservations are required by 5:00 p.m. on the Saturday before cruise.

Cost: $49 per person (includes wine, appetizer and dinner)
Blue Canyon Kitchen and Tavern
2101 Summer Lee Drive, Rockwall
(972) 771-3512

As The Butterflies Flutter By
Arrival of the Mariposas Ceremony
Through Monday, September 1. Daily Performances at 11:15 a.m., 12:00 p.m., 12:45 p.m., 1:30 p.m., 2:15 p.m., 3:00 p.m., 3:45 p.m.
Mariposa, it’s Spanish for butterfly and slang for gay so we’re not sure what to expect when the Mayan Performance Troupe presents their daily ancient Mayan ceremony at the Dallas World Aquarium. We’re envisioning a cross between the White Party and that scene in Indiana Jones where the guys get covered in bugs, except this time the bugs are pretty little butterflies (with a taste for blood). But don’t trust our overactive imagination. Go see for yourself.

Free with regular admission
Dallas World Aquarium
1801 N. Griffin Street, Dallas