Put Some Gay In Your Day, Dallas!

Don’t Bake It, Fake It

It’s the dead of winter and we’re feeling paler than the White Witch traipsing around Narnia, looking for talking lions and someplace to pee in the snow. Fortunately, Dallas doesn’t see too much of the either, and our winters are mild enough that we can still show a little skin from time to time on a warm December afternoon.

We were sent some Xen-Tan samples back in the summer, but we decided to hang on to them for the months when getting in touch with our inner George Hamilton is harder than finding princess parking in front of JR’s on a Saturday night.

There are several Xen-Tan self-tanning products in the line, but our hearts (and pigment-starved bodies) belong to the intense mousse.

It’s fun, foamy and dries almost immediately, so you can put clothes on right after application (unless you’re at that nudist trailer park near Denton again).

But the thing we like most about Xen-Tan is its fragrance. Most self-tanners smell like a combination of rotting corpse and beauty-salon perm solution. Not only can people tell your tan is bogus by the dark orange knuckles, elbows and knees you’re sporting, but they can smell you coming down the street.

Xen-Tan, in contrast, smells like angels dancing naked in a honeysuckle patch while God bakes chocolate chip cookies in the distance, while farting CK-One. (And in case you need a translation – that means we like it.)

The tanning solution produces an even, natural-looking olive tone so luminous that you can tell everyone you’ve been wintering in San Tropez, even though you’ve really been in Harlingen.

After all, a fake tan gives you license to embellish on every detail of your life. Today, you have no more boundaries.

Xen-Tan Products start at $19 (Mousse: $29)
Available at Nordstrom
NorthPark Center
8687 North Central Expressway, Dallas
(214) 231-3900