December has arrived, and the exceptional Milk notwithstanding, Hollywood has held back its most prestigious flicks until this final month of 2008.
How better to cover such a dense season, especially during this brutal economic downturn, than with snappy, fifteen-word recaps Gay List Daily-style:
Doubt: Streep dresses like a Quaker. Not Wilford Brimley. Film will not fulfill Catholic schoolboy fantasy.
Frost/Nixon: Recount of the famous Tricky Dick interviews. Appropriately just in time for Bush’s impending exit.
The Day The Earth Stood Still: Keanu “The One” Reeves threatens Earth. The dude is still monotone, pale, and wearing black.
Seven Pounds: Will Smith as do-gooder. Again. We miss alien fighting, planet saving, market-trading Smith.
Cadillac Records: Beyoncé Knowles as heroin addict, jazz legend Etta James. With track marks. She’s a survivor!
Nothing Like The Holidays: Grace Adler goes to Puerto Rican hubby’s family’s home for Christmas. Wait, hags get married?
Bedtime Stories: Julia Goulia! Adam Sandler endures nighttime tales brought to life. Hopefully, it’s better than Zohan.
The Spirit: More comic-inspired cinema with Scarlett and Samuel L. Visually stunning flick for geeks everywhere.
Revolutionary Road: Even with Leo and Kate, the blandest movie this season. Leo’s king of the snore!
Trust us on these, because our “thumbs up” are busy doing other things.