Put Some Gay In Your Day, Dallas!

Happy New Year, Baby

Chances are you’re reading this with bleary eyes after a night of too much champagne and a make-out session with someone you love, or at least the closest cold-sore-free lips you could find at the stroke of midnight.

And while you probably have a very ambitious resolution list including ending your torrid lunchtime affair with the mailman, swearing off the pint-a-day Ben & Jerry’s habit and refraining from purchasing any more Orlando Bloom memorabilia (the eBay lock of hair was a desperate cry for help), here are a few distractions to help keep you occupied the first week of 2009.

Lush Be A Lady Tonight
“Hanging Out With The Hung Over”
Friday, January 2, 8:00 p.m. doors open
The Vixens of Vaudeville (which sounds suspiciously like a nursing home biker gang) are hosting this evening of “burlesque, Vaudeville, comedians and general mayhem.” Hmm, naughty olde-timey hijinks in Carrollton, that is certainly one way to start the New Year. “Dr. Skotch” serves as bartender and emcee. Let’s hope he brings his friends Dr. Absolut and Dr. Patrón, too.

Tickets: $15
Carrollton Plaza Arts Center
1115 Fourth Avenue, Carrollton

Joan Crawlforth… From The Grave
Zombie Dearest
Opens Friday, January 2
So, maybe it’s not like seeing Daniel Radcliffe’s stallion in Equus, but the Pocket Sandwich Theatre’s popcorn–tossing spoofs always make for a fun night. This one’s set in the French Quarter. And with a title like Zombie Dearest, we already have visions of the brain-starved undead frantically scrubbing the bathroom with a toothbrush after devouring their victims.

Tickets: $10 – $18
Pocket Sandwich Theatre
5400 East Mockingbird, Dallas

Shake That Bass
Dancing With The Stars – The Tour
Sunday, January 4, 7:30 p.m.
It’s not because of the Rumba. It’s not because of the Salsa. We are going to DWTS for one reason and one reason only: dreamy Lance Bass. Sure, when he was in NSYNC we may have said that he looked like Ellen DeGeneres, but we totally take that back now. Something about coming out of the closet made him into a hottie, and we aren’t gonna miss a minute of those dance pants.

Tickets: $50 – $125
American Airlines Center
2500 Victory Avenue, Dallas

Québec Calling
Céline Dion – Taking Chances World Tour
Monday, January 5, 8:00 p.m.
The “Power Of Love” apparently does not have the power to keep momma in the lifestyle to which she has grown accustomed, so our favorite kooky Canuck is back on the road to bank a little cash. For those of you who missed the five-year stint in Vegas, you can now see all 87-feet of Céline in the flesh and flashy dresses.

Tickets: $50 – $185
American Airlines Center
2500 Victory Avenue, Dallas

Art Addiction
Under The Influence ’08 Dallas
Through Monday, January 5
Following is the footsteps of Under The Influence ’07 (see how that works?), this installation draws on the works of eight artists inspired by Dallas’ influence. We’re guessing it’s going to be paintings of restaurants, fake boobs and J.R. Ewing. But then again, our artistic vision is limited to stick figures and decoupage. What do we know?

Cost: Free
The Cedars Art Gallery
1114 South Akard Street, Dallas