This week’s adventures read just like someone picked the lock on our diary. The first few pages are the doodles of us signing “Rick Springfield 4 Ever” in puffy cursive letters over and over. Then there’s the rough draft of the lesbian love scene we wrote for 9 to 5, wherein Lily Tomlin’s Violet Newstead seduces Dolly Parton’s Doralee Rhodes right out of her cowgirl get up. And that was just in our pre-puberty years.
By the time you reach the high school pages, and our teen angst phase, we are deep into Sondheim and Robert Smith-inspired eyeliner (hence the Lestat goes Into The Woods tattoo). Think lots of sad somewhat-rhyming stanzas to be read to the tune of “Another Hundred People.” It’s not pretty.
But by the end, our dear diary is more or less a collection of love notes and stories of broken hearts. That’s right, Antonio Sabato Jr., thanks for never sending that autographed fan club photo like you promised. We’ll make sure to send you something, too: the bill for 10 years worth of therapy.
Or, we could just get over it and get out of the house once in a while.
Everything’s Coming Up Lilies
Tonight, 8:00 p.m.
One of our favorite funny ladies is bringing her business to Fort Worth. And we’ll be there will bells on, well at least with olde-time telephone bells so she can do her Ernestine “one ringy dingy” shtick.
Cost: $38 – $60
525 Commerce Street, Fort Worth
Hey Girl, It’s Jessie’s Girl
Saturday, February 28, 10:30 p.m.
It probably won’t come as much of a surprise, but we never actually wished that we had Jessie’s girl. We were really more into Jessie himself. Followed by a wicked crush on General Hospital’s Dr. Noah Drake. Not only did he save lives, he also played guitar. Sigh. And, momma always did want us to marry a doctor.
Cost: $15 – $35
Billy Bob’s Texas
2520 Rodeo Plaza, Fort Worth
Sing, Sing A Sondheim
Through Sunday, March 1
A musical about a man filled with conflict as his 35th birthday approaches. Nope, can’t relate to that at all. We’re just going for the music, classics like “Side By Side By Side” or our three-martini karaoke signature “The Ladies Who Lunch.” But a word to the wise, just make sure to wear pants and not an oversized dress shirt and black leggings a la Elaine Stritch if you don’t want to get kicked out of the bar mid-performance.
Cost: $10 -$18
Music Theater of Denton
214 W. Hickory, Denton
Sixth Annual Rathbun Art Party
Sunday, March 1, 5:00 p.m. VIP preview, 6:30 p.m. party
It’s not often that the Dallas elite open their home to the trashy masses, so get your tickets quickly. Then enjoy gourmet grub courtesy of Chef Kent Rathbun; exquisite art by notables such as Rick Griggs, Scott Harben and Tamara White; and, of course, an insider’s peek at Chateau Rathbun. And just because your entrance fee benefits the March of Dimes, it does not grant you one free sneak peek in the Rathbuns’ underwear drawer.
VIP Tickets: $150 per person
Art Party Tickets: $75 per person
Home of Kent & Tracy Rathbun
4 Cochran Creek, Dallas
What To Do With A Big Heart On
Through March 7, Tuesdays – Saturdays, 12:00 – 6:00 p.m.
Judging by the ashy funeral pyre of melted chocolates, singed love letters and tattered pictures of your ex dominating your front yard, we’re guessing that Valentine’s Day didn’t go so hot this year. But if you’ve moved past spinster grief and into the period of acceptance, why not prove how strong you are with a trip to the 15th Annual El Corazon exhibit. Celebrate images of the heart as interpreted by more than 50 different artists. Then drown your sorrow afterwards with vodka, milkshakes or both.
Bath House Cultural Center
521 E Lawther Drive, Dallas