Put Some Gay In Your Day, Dallas!

Tat Pack

Nothing says tough like a tattoo, right? They’re evocative of sailors on leave or boyfriends out on bail. But we’ve seen many an ink-covered manly man open his lips only long enough to let out a lisp so fey it makes Quentin Crisp sound like James Earl Jones.

Yes, we suppose the old adage “butch on the streets, fem in the sheets” really is true.

And we want more truth in advertising. So we’re now declaring that instead of tribals and tigers, guys tattoo themselves with the new line of “Special Tattoos” from Fred. This way we can skip the small talk and get right to our penitentiary pen pal’s selling points.

Choose from 12 temporary slogans including “Extra Strength,” “Try Me,” “Free” or the less-popular-but-necessary “Generic.” (We are saving that one for our date with Reichen.)

There’s even specialty messaging for the niche boyfriends. Pick “Kosher” for that dreamy Jewish boy your parents wanted you your sister to marry or “All Natural” for that hemp-necklace-wearing-Matthew-Mcconaughey type you met surfing.

Unfortunately, the kit doesn’t come with “Douche Bag” label, which is a shame because we know many a guy who should be wearing that proudly.