Forget the Four Seasons. Say au revoir to Paris’s Hilton. Marriot? This Mary says NOT!
When it comes to hotels we are officially done with so-called gay-friendly lodging. How friendly can they be when they only offer straight porn?
From now on, all our gaycations will be spent slumbering at Homo-away-from-Home luxury gay hotels. Specifically, Axel Hotels: the world’s first gay hotel chain!
What’s the difference between gay & straight hotels? Think back to Newton’s Universal Law. Remember the moment when you finally found the courage to sit down at your first gay bar and order an Appletini? Instead of falling limp (like it would at a straight bar), certain body parts actually defied gravity.
Kind of like the raging hard-on we have for the Axel Hotel in Barcelona! Perhaps they spike their complimentary bottled water with Viagra?
Situated smack in the middle of Barcelona’s cosmopolitan Gayborhood, this boutique hotel offers all the perks of a four-star hotel: stunning accommodations, beautiful balconies to gaze the local gays, luxurious linens, massage services, a rooftop pool, a fully equipped gym with a Finnish sauna, facilities for corporate events, a business center, a delectable restaurant with room service and, of course, two hetero-friendly gay bars.
But it was the finishing touches of the Axel Hotel which really put these Bottoms over the Top. Like the clothing-optional hot tub. Or the gay-savant concierges who know everything about the local scene. King-sized beds that melt away any form of jet lag. Tasteful, yet provocative artwork, which celebrates the male, ahem, form.
And what screaming queen doesn’t love a nice soundproof room?
But by far, our favorite faggy feature was the “Please Disturb” sign to hang on our doorknob. Now that’s what we call room service!
Our only gripe? Currently, Axel Hotels are located only in gay-friendly cities that begin with the letter B. Luckily this includes Barcelona, Buenos Aires and Berlin.
After spending a few glorious gay days at the Axel Hotel in Barcelona, we finally understand why the Castilians lisp when they speak Spanish. And did we mention that Spaniards are: Drop. Dead. Gorgeouth!
Axel Hotel Barcelona
011 (34) 93-323-93-93
Axel Hotel Buenos Aires
Buenos Aires, Argentina
011 (54) 11-4136-93-93
Axel Hotel Berlin
Lietzenburger Strasse 13-15
011 (30) 210-02893