We learned from famous drag queens what to demand on our contractual rider before we make appearances. Most important on the list is lighting.
Every gay knows that lighting is key, which is why we huddle in the recess-lit areas like corralled vampires at social functions. It’s scientific fact that our gay mitochondria rupture under even the faintest glow of halogen bulbs (and anywhere near a Wal-Mart, too).
But though we’ve honed the craft of lighting our homo soirees so that the illusion of party guests’ bronzers or chin implants aren’t dismantled, technology has arrived to make life easier.
Praise Judy, we’ve got a Rainbow in My Room Projector.
True, creating a manmade mini-rainbow for accent lighting purposes makes Richard Simmons look butch, but it’s so kitsch that we just can’t refuse. Plus, like the bat-signal, turning on the rainbow projector at the beginning of a fête will have any card-carrying ‘mo from the tri-state area stumbling on over to join in the fun.
The device projects a vibrant, full-colored rainbow across flat surfaces, and is activated by motion, rather than pesky buttons that can become hard to fumble with after a few cocktails.
Unfortunately, a retired factory worker with little patience is what lies somewhere over the rainbow (in the above apartment), and he isn’t too keen on our pride bashes. Maybe that big queen technology will hurry up and queer it up with genetically engineered unicorns made out of disco balls so we can fly our gay-beyond-imagination party somewhere a little more private.
National Geographic Rainbow Projector
$20 and up