No matter how lubed up by liquor or how fresh the latest Joan Rivers catfight is in our minds, sometimes our zings don’t quite hit the marks we’d like them too. We’ll try and try, but often our cunty comebacks end up returning to haunt us in later weeks, when no amount of antibiotics can help. Though they’re usually open wide and eager, we’ve learned that keeping our lips sealed can be a smart choice.
Even smarter is remaining silent while handing over a printed witty quip from Set Editions. The company’s diverse selections of zings say everything we’d like to say, but have had too many Rob Roys to wittily vocalize.
When the bitch who spilled his martini all over our new Marc Jacobs boots tries to pin it on us, instead of drunkenly slurring an uninspired, “Your dad told us you were adopted after we woke up in bed with him,” we simply pull out the much more dignified Set Editions card that reads, “I am right, you are wrong.” If the debater happens to be attractive, we can hand over the “Shut your mouth and take off your clothes” card.
Sometimes, though, simple is sweet, which is why we’re already out of the gay-to-the-point “Stop talking” cards.
The Set Edition zings leave most of our targets in a state of shock, allowing us enough time to meander off to the bar and drink away any memory of the catfight. Finally, no matter how inebriated, we can remain comeback queens.
Set Editions Mercy pack of 24 cards, $12
Box of 25 “Stop Talking” cards, $8