Put Some Gay In Your Day, Dallas!

Push, Push Near The Bush

For years, women have had it so easy. Girdles. Tightly cinched corsets. Childbirth. Does the list of perks ever end?

As men, when it comes to looking better in our clothes, our only options have been sucking in (while risking passing out) and duct tape.

Now, 2(x)ist offers a stylish version of what they call “slimming underwear” for men. We call ’em man-girdles, or Myrtle for short. “Hey, Brad! Can I borrow your Myrtle tonight?” See, it even sounds manly in common usage.

But the real name, lest you be embarrassed walking into an underwear store screaming a woman’s name from the 1950s, is 2(x)ist FORM. Available in both brief and trunk styles, each features a six-inch-tall elastic waistband that holds in all your dirty little secrets.

The result is a slimming profile that allows you to wear shirts so tight, Brian Boitano would be envious. (By the way, check out his hilarious new Food Network show!)

We tested out FORM on two separate occasions. The first time, we put it on in the morning and wore it all day. Not our favorite day by a long shot. It did the trick, but after our healthy lunch we found the support top rolling down and making our bellies hot and itchy. Plus, we had to actually re-learn how to use the underwear fly-front because up-and-over isn’t an option with these babies.

On our second outing to a swank, celebrity-filled, paparazzi-obsessed cocktail party, we had a fantastic time and loved the 2(x)ist FORM. We looked skinny, felt skinny and went home with six new phone numbers. That’s never happened in a pair of Fruit of the Loom.

Just be prepared, however. Because as much as FORM hides our flaws, at some point they’ve got to come off and like every episode of The X-Files, the truth is out there. Here’s hoping your next date’s apartment is very dark.

Trunk: $24; Brief: $18