“Therefore the Lord himself will give you a sign: The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son. Two thousand years later, thou shalt buy a holiday CD with an Explicit Lyrics warning on the cover. And it shall be good.”
It goes without saying that gays as a stereotyped mass love Kathy Griffin. She’s brutal, sarcastic, ruthless and consistently hilarious – just like us – except she gets paid a helluva lot more and has more famous friends.
Well, leave it to the Queen of Anything For A Buck to come out with a holiday CD that has absolutely nothing to do with any major religious holidays. Not Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa or the Feast of the Seven Unicorns.
The cover features Kathy in her best Halloween Superstore Sexy Santa costume, complete with Old Saint Nick between her legs. The title? Suckin’ It for the Holidays, a wink to her scandalous Emmy speech that gained her as many new fans as it did vehement enemies.
The first track is titled “Happy Kwanzaa” and it’s her confession that from that moment forward, there won’t be anything about the holidays mentioned again.
What we do get is more than an hour of mostly new material from a live performance in Atlantic City this past June. The best stories are about her mom’s drinking habits and new role as gay activist, but there are plenty of Griffin’s awkward celebrity encounters to satisfy our need for all things uncomfortable. Because her standup routines are always so current, it’s best to grab this one while it’s fresh. And with any luck, in six months, nobody will care about the real housewives of any city or her jabs at them.
We listened to the entire CD in the car, which we have since found out is more dangerous than drinking and driving or texting and driving. We were laughing so much during the Maya Angelou story alone, we think we ran over six children in a school zone. They screamed and cried, but we simply rolled down our window and told them to suck it.
Worked like a charm.
In stores tomorrow
Download tomorrow on www.amazon.com
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Win Suckin' It for the Holidays! Send your name and address via our Contact Us page. Five winners will be drawn from all eligible entries. Messages must be received by 11:59 p.m. Monday, November 2, 2009. (That’s tonight!)