Stock up on sunglasses, darlings. You’ll need them now that Calvin Klein has released a new “body” line of denim for men.
No, we’re not crying for sunglasses because the denim is crafted of visually offensive fabric or manufactured in hues that should be crimes of nature (like most of the stock at Hot Topic) – you will need a good pair of Lagerfeld-dark shades because Calvin Klein’s new jeans are going to have you staring. A lot.
We already have a bad habit of crotch-watching. So bad that we’ve actually trained ourselves how to fake lazy eyes on command. But because of CK, we’ll be staring so hard our faces might actually get stuck that way.
CK Body’s foray into men’s jeans means that there might be more (as in less) to the whole package than what one sees. Due in part to extra fabric sewn under the fly area as well as a bit of creative shaping in the design department, wearers of the new jeans will have “enhanced” packages, no tube socks necessary.
Sure, this means a bevy of emboldened gays, swishing confidently and aggressively down the gayborhood boulevards and the fluorescent aisles of Targét, collectively increasing the already-cutthroat dating scenes with their bountiful bulges.
And while we’re all about self-confidence and leveling the playing field, size queens already have their work cut out for them (in more ways than one).
Wait, wait…we’ve made it to the bottom of the press release and, oh – CK body denim uses cutting-edge construction to enhance the ass, too? Scratch our criticisms of the “social impact” and thank god for next day delivery!