Our fruits are organic and our meats are often faux and vegan. Why not pay the same attention to our partners' fruits and meats?
After all, we've learned from Carrie Prejean how to treat our bodies like temples, and putting only organic and vegan-friendly products in our mouths or unmentionables is, like boob jobs, sanctioned by the Holy Book.
New playtime paraphernalia peddlers Seattle Green Toys wants to help make our holy acts even more humane with green products for adults.
Don't get us wrong – green is the last color we want to see in our nether-regions, but if we replace chemical-laden synthetic lubes with natural ingredients, our fun zones may finally forgive us for years '05 through '08.
To start off, we like Seattle Green Toys' Men's Relaxing Spray. The certified-organic mixture contains cloves, Gogi berry, lemongrass and a few other things we never thought we'd be rubbing into certain spots, but both the relaxing effect (deriving from a safe non-anesthetic) and the fact that it's all-natural loosens more than just our minds.
And though we have a hefty appetite for slabs of meat, the Okeido vegan condom from RFSU is crafted especially for large servings without harming any animals in the latex- and condom-lubricant-making process.
So if we once again cave in to our cravings in the shoe-rental room on LGBT rollerskating night, at least Seattle Green Toys removes some of the dirty, dirty guilt that may (or may not) accrue on our consciences.