In our Mary minds, fashion and function have a fractured relationship that even a trashy VH-1 reality show couldn't bring together.
After all, we follow sartorial patron saints like Madonna, who recently showed off a Shredder-esque thin mesh scarf in New York, and Madonna 2.0 Lady Gaga, who pulled off the demonically delicious cloven-hooved couture pumps in the video for “Bad Romance.”
Such is the logic we use when we wear hipster scarves in 90-degree August or don nothing more than Louboutins to private after hours in January.
But like our mousey coworker setting us up on a blind date with someone she deems a match simply because we're both gay, we sometimes begrudgingly let our concept of fashion and function meet up for a lunch date.
For our latest effort, after a quick nibble of some iceberg chips (our idea of a full meal), the chemistry felt right and we got down – as in the stylish and useful down scarf from Nau.
No longer submissive to fashion (we'll leave that to the butcher dominant forces in our lives), Nau is making fashion work for us. And like all those working under us, the brand's down scarf tosses itself sexily around our necks and sends warmth shooting down our spine.
Though filled with enough high-grade down to make our necks hotter than Jamie Lee Curtis in one of her Activia-inspired hot flashes, the scarf remains subtle and unobtrusive. We can even tie Nau's creation around our collar and still have enough length remaining for our hands to fit into the scarf's cleverly placed pockets.
If our hands are busy working for us as well (holding the bubbly, ski pole or skier's pole), the zipper pockets can put in overtime and hold our wallets, phones or travel-size Platinum Wet.
Thanks to the novel accessory, we were able to gyrate shirtless at Alegria last weekend with our wallets and phones tucked safely around our necks in our down scarves, freeing our denim-wrapped assets to be auctioned off to the highest bidder.
Yup. That's our idea of functional clothing.
Nau down scarf, $65