When you see queens at the local H&M buying more layers of clothing than they've ever sported in their lives, you know it must be gay ski season.
Like svelte lemmings to the top of a slope, we travel in packs around the globe to get sweaty going downhill and then sweaty again just going down. Because we're gathering in climates as varied as hot-tubs to snow drifts, we'll need many different items of dress, from Speedos to full-winter jackets.
But none have the ski-season sex appeal of a cast.
Sure, last year we might have paid off Nurse Practitioner to sell us a casts for our legs so that we could claim valuable and permanent stake at the cabin, ready to absorb the sympathy of a hundred homo-bunnies. It worked.
This year, on the off chance that karma (who can be just as bitchy as us before our first venti soy latte of the day) decides to give us a break (literally) to make up for last season's ruse, we have a unique option: add artwork from Casttoo to our cast.
Don't get us wrong, most of the tattoo-inspired cast designs the Detroit-based company provides remind us of Ed Hardy, Jon Gosselin, et al. In truth, we'd rather sport Kate's old rabid-possum look than walk around like a reality-show reject.
But the fault mainly lies in the tattoo style of today, not Casttoo. The design company has come up with a few designs we would actually use to beautify our broken bones.
To appeal to those of us with more-discriminating tastes yet the same level of clumsiness, Casttoo offers fun X-ray cast art, a few well-designed animal graphics (our favorite is the Japanese Koi), and even fairies, just in time for Telluride.
Once the graphic applique is in hand, all that's left is the act of wrapping the bone – a phrase that technically fulfills our legally required safe-sex education community service we were sentenced to after last year's gay ski weekend.
Prices and sizes vary