A fruit fly's Prada clutch is the sack that keeps on giving, like Santa or the guy we took home two nights back.
There are some tricks they keep in there that are more secretive than Tom Cruise's, like their tubes of Perfekt Skin Perfection gel.
We first became enchanted with the beauty product when we noticed our girlfriends looking like they stepped straight out of their heavily-Photoshopped Facebook photos, or like they walked in front of a camera lens swathed in Vaseline.
You know, the ones RuPaul demands to be filmed with. Nope, the magic before our queer eyes was Perfekt.
The Hollywood-based beauty company must have sensed our biblical-proportions of envy because its reps sent us a tube to test out to gain some fabulous footing in the gay market. While we initially applauded the company for knowing who has a big enough mouth (it's our double-jointed jaw, thank you very much) to get the gay word out, we'd be remiss in our work if we didn't submit Perfekt to our extensive scientific evaluation.
A few of our meticulous, academic-jargon filled notes include:
Gender neutral: Like SNL's Pat (are we dating ourselves with that reference?), Perfekt's packaging is genderless, just how we prefer our more-for-women beauty products.
Compact: Though we're proud homosatchel owners, we don't exactly carry our manbags to a night out at the Manhole. Perfekt is the smallest tube we've ever had near our crotch, which comes in handy when we wake up next to a bigger one and need to look flawless without leaving the bed.
Effect: Whether it's Hoodoo, black magic or Pat Robertson, whatever is in this vitamin-rich stuff is supernatural. After rubbing a small amount onto our faces and necks, we too look like an airbrushed magazine cover, with less-obvious pores and an impressively even tone.
So, if you want to look like a walking magazine cover (we do! we do!) without delving into the whole gay-wearing-makeup thing or smearing 1,000 year old mummified fetuses on your face like we imagine Madonna might, Perfekt just might be perfect ideal.