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Vision Quest

About two weeks ago, we realized it was time to find a new eye doctor. We’d been going to the same one for years, but after discussing our latest visit with friends, we uncovered some shocking news: this guy was interested in more than getting us 20/20 vision.

For the glaucoma exam, rather than using the puff-of-air machine, he would simply blow softly in our eyes and brush eyelashes off our cheeks.

When it came time to cover one eye and read from the chart on the wall, we thought it was perfectly normal that the tiniest letters at the bottom spelled out “T A K E M E T O O L I V E G A R D E N L O V E R.”

But our first true suspicions were raised during our refraction test. We sat behind the phoropter while he stood at the back of the room with his shirt off. He’d make his pec muscles bounce up and down then ask, “Which is better, this one? Or this one? OK, now this one? Or this one?”

We had no idea he was supposed to actually be flipping lenses on the machine to determine our prescription.

So, for the sake of research, we headed to the swank new Insight Complete Eye Care next door to Equinox on Hillcrest to see if all eye exams are created equal. Well, Dr. Ivan Bank opened our eyes to what the world of legitimate medical practice. He was professional, friendly and never once propositioned us for all-you-can-eat salad and breadsticks.

What really impressed us, however, were the ultra-swank interiors and the state-of-the-art diagnostic tests. Within minutes, we had three-dimensional images of our eyes, maps of the blood flow and a printout of what color cashmere sweaters would best complement our sparkling blue eyes. (OK, true confessions, we only wish they offered that last service.)

All the information from every test is transmitted digitally to a central computer system so that the doctor can review the results with you from any monitor in the office. Your final prescription is also sent electronically to the lab so that there is no chance for error in creating your contact lenses and glasses.

Following the exam, we received an e-mail with links to videos specific to our eye conditions so we could finally understand them better.

And boy, are we glad we watched the videos. We’d been going to church all these years for nothing. Turns out, we didn’t have a stigmata after all, but rather an astigmatism, something evidently far more common.

Our favorite part of the whole process involved shopping (shocker!) for new glasses. With the most fashion-forward frames we’ve ever seen in one showroom, we could’ve easily spent the next six months’ mortgage payments on spectacular spectacles for every day of the month.

Frame Stylist Kinte Walkera is worth stopping in to see, even if you’re between eye exams or simply need a pair of fabulous sunglasses for your next trip to the Equator. He’s got a hypnotically sexy accent, but best of all, he can nail the style that best suits your face in mere seconds.

Let’s just say, we’ll never go anywhere else for an eye exam. Unless, of course, we’re hard up for a date.

Insight Complete Eye Care
8611 Hillcrest Road (at Northwest Highway), Dallas
(214) 739-8611
www.insightcompleteeyecare.com

Grand Opening Party tomorrow night (Friday, February 19) from 7:00 to 10:00 p.m. Thousands of dollars in door prizes, wine and champagne, hors d’oeuvres, gift bags, live music, free valet parking and more. RSVP today by calling (214) 559-0122.

Special Discount for Gay List Daily subscribers
Mention Gay List Daily and receive $150 off any frame with prescription lens purchase. Not available with any other discount, promotion or insurance. Expires March 31, 2010.

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