Put Some Gay In Your Day, Dallas!

Tennis, Anyone?

We remember 8th grade tennis lessons like they happened yesterday.

The long, summer afternoons drinking Rondo with our babysitter’s 19-year-old boyfriend as he tried his best to teach us the basic skills necessary to play the sport. But we were in 15, 30, 40 love with him and couldn’t hit a tennis ball to save our lives because we were too busy imagining what was beneath those tiny white tennis shorts of his.

We spent the whole summer taking lessons, but he didn’t seem to mind our lack of skill. After all, he was getting cold, hard cash and the occasional meal at Pancho’s Mexican Buffet from our parents. We were almost ready to quit taking lessons until one day, we finally saw what was beneath those tiny shorts thanks to a little locker room spying.

Well, we’ve been tennis fans ever since.

But if you’re one of those people who can actually play a sport and not turn everything into a moment of nostalgia for your adolescent perversions, then you’re more talented than we are. And we’ve got the perfect group for you.

The Oak Lawn Tennis Association (OLTA) is kicking off its 31st season this year and they’re lobbying for a few good lobbers to join their ranks. Join the team this Saturday, March 20, from 7:00 to 9:30 p.m. at Woody’s Sports Bar at the upstairs bar and balcony area to learn more about being a part of OLTA.

Then put your skills to the test on Sunday, March 21 at 9:00 a.m. at the Samuel Grand Tennis Center on East Grand. The “Promiscuous Doubles” event allows players to change partners frequently (we like the sound of that) and experience matches against a variety of opponents.

At noon, pizza will be served and prizes will be given away, plus any remaining questions about the organization will finally be answered (unlike this entire season of Lost).

We’ve got friends in the club and they absolutely love it (and not just for the socks with the little pom-poms on the back). So if you know what to do with a tennis ball and racquet (or even if you don’t, but want to learn), this is your chance to cross World Figure Skating Champ off your bucket list and add High Priestess of Wimbledon instead.