We may be flaming, honey, but we sure can’t start a fire. A little-known group called the Boy Scouts might be to blame, thanks to its discriminatory policy against gay boys, much like we used to be.
While we’re only fans of camping if the campsite includes a concierge and a Jacuzzi tub, camp season is nearly upon us whether we like it or not.
If we hope to get that rugged, lumberjack of a man upon us, too, in a private tent in the woods, we’ll have to grin and bear it (in more ways than one, if we play our camp cards right). Ones for sometimes going the easy route (we can hear you chuckling), the fire starters from Zippo might help us create the illusion of being “outdoorsy” when we’re at best “resourceful.”
Contained within a classic Zippo-styled lighter case are all the tools necessary to get the job done: waxed sticks (two words that remind us of an appointment we have this afternoon), a flint ignition wheel and an O-ring seal to keep the goods as dry as Ann Coulter’s nether regions.
The process is simpler than flaking a rock or using a pair of spectacles or whatever survivalists like Bear Grylls (yum!) would employ to start a fire. It’s not the 80s anymore, so our fraying skills are as rusty as the wrench-driver thingamajig our dads wishfully gave us before we came out, but fraying the ends of the waxed sticks is about as difficult as starting a blaze with the Zippo Fire Starters gets – meaning it’s easy as pie (gluten-free and locally-sourced, of course).
Of course there is a centuries-old fire-starting product that’s even more compact, mobile and quicker to use (matches), but they aren’t outfitted in the metallic orange that the Fire Starters sport, which complements our new rust-colored, outdoorsy Chanel puffy-vest quite nicely.
Who said fashion and the woods were mutually exclusive?
“Before Night Falls” World Premiere
Tickets are now on sale for the world premiere of Jorge Martín’s “Before Night Falls,” presented by the Fort Worth Opera and based on the memoir of Cuban dissident and author, Reinaldo Arenas (1943-1990).
It’s a heavy, moving story that you don’t want to miss – as Reinaldo Arenas lies dying of AIDS in New York City, he remembers his beloved homeland before and after Fidel Castro took power in Cuba. Born in extreme poverty, Arenas joins Castro’s rebellion as a teen. As he matures, he realizes that Castro is not interested in a free Cuba after all. A rising poet and writer, he defies Castro when a manuscript is smuggled out of the country and published in France.
Embarrassed by the bad publicity, the regime imprisons Arenas for being a homosexual. After imprisonment and torture, he agrees to stop writing as a condition of his release, but can not handle his “silence” for long. He escapes to the U.S. in the Mariel exodus, but during his newfound freedom outside of Cuba he contracts HIV/AIDS. He rushes to complete his memoir before he commits suicide to end his suffering.
“Before Night Falls” world premiere
Presented by the Fort Worth Opera
Tickets: $17 – $149
Saturday, May 29, 8:00 p.m.
Sunday, June 6, 2:00 p.m.
Bass Performance Hall, Downtown Fort Worth