Put Some Gay In Your Day, Dallas!

iSpy

If we don’t make an Apple Store purchase at least once per month, we fall into a deep depression. The Apple Store experience is a part of our very soul, and something we value above almost everything else in the world.

So even if the predictions of our crazy hair stylist come to pass and 2012 really is the beginning of an apocalyptic end, we’ll have comfort in the Apple Store. Even if we lose electricity, running water and the streets are flowing red with the blood of those who didn’t reserve seats on the Virgin Galactic Rapture Shuttle, life for the rest of us will still be worth living if there’s at least one Apple Store left in the world. It’s that important to us.

While the rest of mankind is currently going Lady Gaga for the iPad (and who can blame them), we’re in love with something from a simpler time we affectionately refer to as “2009.” It’s the fifth-generation iPod nano and we’re not quite sure how we ever lived without it. Not only does the 16GB model hold nearly our entire collection of Leonard Nimoy remixes, it also shoots crystal-clear video.

And it has become our secret weapon in covert hottie spotting. Just today, a god-like twentysomething firefighter walked into Chick-fil-A in shorts and a tight fire-and-rescue T-shirt. We were busy texting our friends about our divine luck when we remembered we had our iPod nano with us. Click, spin, click and then we patiently waited after positioning the camera toward the registers, completely undetectable. Four minutes and thirty-one seconds later, our boy was back at the counter for a refill (unsweet tea with extra lemons – our favorite! We’re destined to be together!).

Now, we not only have video of our encounter with this heavenly stud saved to our iPhone and a frame-capture of his face as our new laptop wallpaper, but also a very good reason to set our house on fire.

This episode got us thinking of all the legitimate uses for secretive video operations (SVOs for short). When we go all Erin Brockovich, which we try to do at least once per month, we’ll clip our iPod nano into our front pocket and catch undercover footage of evil corporations poisoning water supplies around the country. Then for our day in court, the judge will proclaim, “Guilty as nano’d!”

Then we’ll set it inside our kitchen cabinet before we head to work so we can finally catch our housekeeper in her frequent acts of drinking our booze and clipping her toenails (we have evidence of both, just not hard proof—until nano).

Finally, we’ll sneak it into the men’s locker room at the gym for something that’s probably illegal and highly immoral, but we don’t care. This desire is embedded in our DNA and we can’t resist the urge. For months we’ve been wanting to redecorate our master bathroom with the same tile they use above the sinks at the gym. Now, we can catch a quick clip and show it to our interior designer. That’s about the craziest thing we can think to do with a tiny camera in a crowded men’s locker room, and we’re sorry if we have crossed a line.

So while everyone else is in line for an iPad, skip to the front and proudly purchase the latest iPod nano. Then send us your favorite covert videos. We promise not to tell.

8GB $149
16GB $179
www.apple.com/ipodnano

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