Put Some Gay In Your Day, Dallas!

Express Lane Fashion

If Joan Rivers and her Fashion Police were at the grocery store and turned to ask you, “Whose bag are you wearing?” we’d run and hide. Because our answer would be “Wal-Mart” or “Trader Joe’s” or, God forbid, our newest enemy, “Target.” All of our eco totes are ones we grabbed at the grocery store because we left our other ones in the trunk and were too lazy to run outside to get them.

So we have quite the collection of bags branded with store logos. But we think we deserve something more. That’s why we were thrilled to learn about this hot-off-the-presses company, L.E. Green Bags. (The L.E. doesn’t officially stand for anything yet, but we think Limited Edition makes sense. Or Lesbian Elephant.)

They’ve only got two designs now, but we’ve already got one of each. And they’re rolling out about a dozen more in the next couple of weeks, with two new designs per quarter after that.

Our favorite of the inaugural designs is the Brass Knuckles bag. Because when we’re walking through the parking lot late at night with our bag full of exotic sea salts, imported chocolates and prescription painkillers, the strong brass-knuckle-and-crossbones graphic tells would-be assailants, “Don’t F with us!”

And if that doesn’t scare ’em off, we always buy at least one bottle of vodka per grocery trip. You know, to use as a weapon. (Smirnoff packs a helluva blow, trust us.)

The bags retail for only $3.75, come with a replacement guarantee if they fail under reasonable wear, and are easily recycled (#5) once you’re done with them (you know, 17 years from now).

Shipping is a flat $3.99 whether you order 1 or 100, so stock up and use them as gift bags for Christmas. Because nobody wants to walk around the A&P carrying a Santa-holding-a-teddy-bear bag in the middle of October.

$3.75 per bag