Put Some Gay In Your Day, Dallas!

Reach For The Tissues

When people start paying better attention to the criticisms from Gay America, the world truly could be a better place. If we had our way, Nancy Grace would be a school custodian (on the night shift, of course) so nobody would have to hear her speak, Chick-fil-A would cure cancer and Christmas decorations would be illegal if displayed, purchased or set up before Thanksgiving.

But that’s just us.

A new book out tomorrow, Stuff That Makes a Gay Heart Weep, chronicles the general dislikes and pet peeves of someone else, a very observant queen named Freeman Hall. From the obvious (the continued wearing of Ed Hardy clothes in a non-ironic sense, Crocs and fanny packs) to more niche annoyances (rainbow-colored food, closeted cartoon characters and not getting picked for RuPaul’s Drag Race), each disturbing offense is laid out one by one with often-hilarious commentary.

We agree with him on almost every point, like losing designer sunglasses (Adios, Pradas in Puerto Vallarta!) and expensive cocktails, but we must officially protest the Food Network Addiction that makes his gay heart weep. Yes, we’re addicted and we hoard the shows on our TiVo (double-whammy), but do we get points for actually making the food we watch being prepared?

The best part of this book is it’s perfect for keeping on the nightstand. One or two chapters a night and you’re set. There’s no plot to follow. No big words to look up. No controversial claims that Jesus was married.

The book can make it difficult to fall asleep, however. One, because it’s funny. But mostly because it makes us lie awake cursing ourselves for not thinking of it first. We hate lots of stuff, but here we type without a book contract in sight.

Now that’s something that truly makes this gay heart weep.