Anyone who reads Gay List Daily on a regular basis knows that we love animals so much that pet-owners should be sent warning postcards when we move into a neighborhood. But it’s not just other people’s cats and dogs we fancy. It’s our own menagerie that puts a smile on our face and warms our ample cockles.
We’re proud of our pussies and boastful of our bitches because like all good gays, we know that cats and dogs are people, too. Unfortunately, our busy schedules prevent us from spending the kind of quality time required to keep our pooches from assaulting postal workers and our kitties from clawing up the sofa – or stealing the souls of babies in their sleep.
Thankfully, world-renowned pet trainer Todd Lawson (Cesar who?) invented the PetPetter, a unique, rechargeable device that automatically pets your dog, pats your cat, strokes your sheep or wiggles your weasel at speeds up to 85ppm (pets per minute). Our dogs absolutely love it and after just days, they’ve finally stopped their incessant whining for love and affection. Now if we can only find a product that will automatically feed them and scoop their poop, being a pet owner will finally be worth the cost of the occasional rabies vaccination.
The best part about the PetPetter is that it’s completely, utterly, 100% fake. Yet that won’t stop us from packaging up our holiday gifts this year and fooling our friends into thinking we’ve gone a little crazier than normal with our late-night QVC addiction.
From the geniuses at Prank Pack, PetPetter is just the latest in a long line of bogus boxes that are, quite frankly, gift enough all by themselves. But the idea is to put something enjoyable inside the box, like a McDonald’s gift certificate or a pair of hand-knitted socks.
Choose from great packages like one featuring Family Blankeez, a “Snuggie” built for an entire family with one sleeve on each end and five head holes in the middle. Or select the Wake & Bake Dream Griddle Alarm Clock that gently brings you out of slumber with the aroma of a full breakfast (complete with a built-in carbon monoxide detector so you and your family can sleep with peace of mind – and awaken to a piece of bacon!).
Like any kid, we’d be happier with the box than just about anything that could be put inside it, except for maybe an iPad, keys to a new car or a million Sacagaweas. Otherwise, we’re content to display these proudly next to the legitimate as-seen-on-TV crap that we purchased for real. Now that’s a joke on us.
$8.00 per box, $20.00 for set of 3