Put Some Gay In Your Day, Dallas!

Let There Be Pee On Earth

If you want to truly freak out your boyfriend, order the Identigene STD Test and have it sent to your house. If he’s a nosy little bitch, he’ll open up your FedEx box, send you freaked out text messages, and immediately start wondering how many sluts you have on the side. It’s really quite fun. Especially if you wait several hours to respond to the text messages!

Entertaining as that sounds, if you’re ordering an at-home STD kit, you’re probably a very private person. Well, obviously not that private if you’ve been naked with enough people to fear that you have a bit of the Chlam Chowder. Or keep having that recurring nightmare of singing Ave My Rrhea in front of your parents’ entire church congregation.

But don’t worry. If you’re too shy, embarrassed or simply inconvenienced to go to a local medical clinic to test for sexually transmitted diseases like Chlamydia or Gonorrhea, then the at-home STD Test is the perfect way to go. They’re available at Rite Aid pharmacies, but again, if you’re doing an at-home test we don’t really see you walking up to the counter and plopping the box down on the scanner. God forbid there’s a price check needed. Or a nun in line behind you.

Otherwise, we suggest ordering it directly from the web site.

The test is super quick. Pee in a cup, transfer a little into a screw-top test tube, fill out a little quick paperwork and pop it in the mail. The outbound packaging is completely discreet but, if you’re like us, the mailman already knows why you’d be testing yourself for STDs. Let’s just say he perfectly times his lunch hour when he reaches our front door. Rain, sleet or snow, he’s ready to be a ho!

In all seriousness, though, STDs often go totally undetected. Up to 75% of women and 50% of men never show symptoms at all. So if you’re sexually active, it’s important to know your status to prevent the spread of these and other diseases. It’s your responsibility as a hot commodity in the gay community!

Once the lab receives your kit, you’ll be notified by e-mail. Within 2-3 days, simply log in to retrieve your results. We went through the entire process to verify how quick and easy it is, so we can vouch that it’s every bit as easy and reliable as they claim. And in case you’re wondering, we tested negative for both. So give us a call, we’re free after 9:00!

The kit itself is just $20 and the lab fee is $99, so it’s obviously not as cheap as free testing, but not every community offers that. Besides, for the privacy and peace of mind it provides, the test is quite a bargain. And quite possibly the best White Elephant gift for this year’s holiday exchange.