Put Some Gay In Your Day, Dallas!

Packed In Like A Sausage

If you’re like us, December is the month when we completely surrender to the holidays. We stop working out, eat whatever we want (and double the portions), then wonder why our skinny jeans have staged a revolt and refuse to cooperate. For most people, these shenanigans would be the wakeup call necessary to cut back, eat a salad now and again and limit the eggnog imbibing to one cup per party.

We may be gay, but we’re still Americans. And we want the easy way out. After all, if we didn’t stuff ourselves full from Thanksgiving to New Years, there would be no sport at all in our resolution-making. And nobody likes a skinny resolution maker.

Women have proudly turned to Spanx to help them hide the truth under their clothing so now it’s our turn. Our friends at MensUnderwearStore.com recently sent us a care package that included the newest Spanx for Men Zoned Performance Crew Neck Shirt. It’s as if they knew one hand was holding the UPS box, the other a Sprinkles Candy Cane Cupcake.

Once we got our friends and neighbors to get the shirt over our head and into place (the thing has a mind of its own!), we loved it. The tight-fitting, compression undershirt tucks away all our secrets and provides a slimmer, more chiseled physique. Without a single sit-up. We found ourselves walking taller and even wearing fancy belt buckles just to draw attention to our flat waistline. In just the Spanx alone, we look like a stuffed sausage, but once we get a shirt on over it, we feel like a million bucks. And surprisingly, the shirt is supremely comfortable.

Our only suggestion is to get either the Zoned Performance Tank (pictured) or one of the V-neck models so that you can have more options. The crew neck makes it difficult to wear under anything but a sweater or shirt and tie.

So here’s the plan. This holiday season, get your bowl full of jelly under wraps once and for all. Then work like hell all spring and get back to your Speedo weight by June. Then next December, pull out your Christmas decorations and the box marked “Daddy’s Little Christmas Miracle,” pull out the Spanx, sing a carol or two, and enjoy the routine all over again.

Tanks, $75
Shirts, $78

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