Put Some Gay In Your Day, Dallas!

Get Your Horizontal Workout

Thread count, shmread count. When it comes to bed sheets, we’ve just discovered something truly revolutionary that will forever change the way you play in bed. Welcome to the wonderful dream world of Sheex, the world’s first Luxury Performance Sheets.

Inspired by athletic fabrics that are typically reserved for sports bras and workout pants, Sheex are unlike anything we’ve ever had on our bed. (And after that Brazilian-Albino-Little Person soccer team, we thought we’d seen it all.)

For starters, the fabric is super-stretchy, which seemed odd until we actually curled up under the Sheex and tried them out. The stretchiness turned out to be our favorite part because whether you’re sleeping alone or in a group, the fabric creates a nice little cocoon for each person. No more turning over and “accidentally” pulling the sheets off your partner. The sheets move with you and practically conform to your body.

They’re wonderfully soft and silky (even after multiple washings), but don’t worry, they’re not anything like those slick satin sheets from the ’70s that once sent us to the Emergency Room because we jumped in bed and glided right off. Luckily that solid-oak armoire was there to stop our momentum or we might’ve ended up in Topeka.

As far as the technical specs go, the fabric breathes 50% better than typical bedding fabrics and even transfers body heat more effectively than cotton, which is fantastic because we hate to be hot while we’re sleeping. And if you’re concerned about being green, Sheex dry three times faster than regular sheets, so you can save a ton of energy for your clothes dryer.

Sheex are available in a ton of colors to match any bedroom décor, too. They sent us a set in black, which is a little more pimp-daddy than our normal style, but we love them so much, we just pretend they match our other bedding. Hell, we might even repaint the entire room around the Sheex. But that would require getting out of bed. And that’s something we’re just not prepared to do.

Queen-size sets: $199