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Pill-Popping Drunks

For years, people have dreamed of magic pills for all sorts of things. Weight Loss. Hair Growth. Upward Pointing Wieners.

So now that we’re all skinny, hairy and horny, there’s another magic-pill frontier to tackle: Eliminating Hangovers.

Drinkwel is a daily multivitamin designed specifically for people who drink alcohol. Thanks to special, natural additives that support liver health, neutralize free radicals, help process alcohol-induced toxins, aid metabolism and support immune system function, it seems there’s very little this pill can’t do.

Of course, we had to put it to the test before recommending it. We passed out bottles to everyone in the office and we’ve gotten very positive feedback. One guy took the supplements before and after partying hard, and claimed he had no hangover whatsoever. He even mixed beer, wine and hard liquor just to really put it to the test.

We also tried them just before and after drinking (as indicated on the bottle) and, remarkably, felt great the next morning. In fact, we’ve been using them as our regular daily vitamin for several weeks and love the way we feel. Even on the days when we don’t drink booze (pay no attention to the mid-afternoon withdrawal tremors – they’re just our body’s way of involuntarily breakdancing), we still feel amazing.

Of course, we’re not scientists here. (Because nobody would subscribe to Bunsen Burner Daily.) So all we can say is that Drinkwel works for us. It doesn’t keep us from getting drunk and it doesn’t make it safe to drive after drinking. But it does make us hope that the nights we imbibe a little too much, something in these pills is making us the healthiest drunks ever.

Now we’re just waiting for a pill that makes us poop hundred dollar bills.

$39.95, 90 capsules ($1.33 per serving)