Put Some Gay In Your Day, Dallas!

Zippity Hoo-hah

Large metropolitan areas are fun, vibrant and full of energy, whether you live there or are just visiting. One of the biggest benefits of most major cities is that the public transportation is almost always really good and taxis are readily available.

But what if you want to visit the Antique Chastity Belt Museum in the next town? Or meet your third cousin across the river for a 90-minute under-the-clothes groping session, followed by a trip to IKEA to bring back a king-size bed in a box the size of a small flattened child?

Scenarios such as these used to require stealing a car off the street. And hot-wiring isn’t quite as sexy a skill as it was once considered.

That’s where Zipcar comes to the rescue. The company, which has been around more than a decade, has expanded to nearly every market where it makes sense to have cars at-the-ready. Like Tuscaloosa, Alabama.

Parked in lots or right on the street at convenient locations all over town, simply reserve a car online and drive away in seconds after your scheduled reservation. There’s no attendant to deal with. No keys to lose. No 2004 Kia hatchbacks that smell like smoke and cabbage-stuffed meatballs.

Just swipe your membership card (or use an iPhone app in some cases) and the car unlocks automatically, keys tethered inside ready for adventure.

Best of all, these are some FUN cars to drive. Convertible Mini Coopers. BMWs. Priuseseses. (What is the plural of Prius?)

Rent by the hour for around ten bucks or choose a daily rate if your cousin likes a lot of foreplay. Gas is included, too. All you have to do is return the car clean, on-time (or face a stiff penalty), and filled with at least a quarter-tank of gas. (A gas card is included inside in case you need to fill up – all on Zipcar’s dime.)

Nothing could be easier. Or zippier.