Put Some Gay In Your Day, Dallas!

Repelling In The Shower

For two seasons we’ve watched the antics of Josh Kilmer-Purcell and Dr. Brent Ridge in their TV show. We’ve written about it, interviewed Josh, and purchased several pairs of galoshes for our new role-playing bedroom fantasy. But all this time, we’ve never tried the products that first made them famous.

Whether you’re on a farm somewhere yourself or in the big city, today is the first official day of summer. And that means nasty stinging bugs are in abundance. Hours of itching. Hours of scratching. And days trying to find a tattoo artist skilled enough to work a bug bite into some elegant tableau consisting of a skull, a chinese character (like Charlie Chan), and one of the Precious Moments babies pissing on a Palin.

But what if we could eliminate the bites from the beginning? We’re not fond of insect repellent sprays because they compete too strongly with our CK One and make the neighbor girl hump our leg when we walk out to get our mail. So when we found the Beekman 1802 Bug Repellent Bars, we knew we’d found something that could revolutionize our summer.

Sceneted with citronella, eucalyptus and other essential oils to naturally deter insects, it’s also made from the Beekman’s own goats’ milk. And that means there’s at least a slight possibility that Josh or Brent squeezed the teat that produced the milk that made the soap that we rubbed all over our naked body.

So it’s like the Fabulous Beekman Boys are showering with us. Video of which will then leak to TMZ, we’ll become famous, and next season the show will focus on us while Josh and Brent are relegated to a Gilligan’s Island-style “and the rest” mention in our new, million-dollar opening theme song.

No bug bites? Just an A-list bonus.