Put Some Gay In Your Day, Dallas!

Leave Them Kids Alone

We’ve all had a bad teacher.

For us, it was Mr. Hamilton, a football coach forced to string together multiple syllables to teach history to a bunch of hormonal eighth graders. Character flaws: 1) throwing staplers at students; 2) banging on desks until they broke; and 3) accusing us of faking an asthma attack until we passed out and had to be taken to the hospital.

Cameron Diaz in Bad Teacher? Much, much worse. Raunchy, provocative and viciously hilarious, the R-rated comedy delivers a solid A+. It’s easily one of the funniest, most consistently toned movies of the year.

Because it’s vulgar throughout, unlike other attempts at lady raunch.

Bridesmaids was fun when it was dirty, but its sappy moments were cloying. And where Mean Girls completely sucked in the third act when it became not-so-mean and everybody learned a heartwarming lesson, Bad Teacher unapologetically presents a person with few redeeming qualities. It’s what would happen if the girls from Heathers got jobs.

Sure, there are brief moments of humanity in Diaz’ deliciously unlikeable teacher with a penchant for drinking and taking drugs at school, hitting her students with dodge balls and sadistically tormenting a co-worker, but the piss-and-vinegar attitude carries throughout the film. She grows, but not too much.

Surrounded by great performances, including those by ex-boyfriend Justin Timberlake, Jason Segel, Molly Shannon and a completely against-type turn for Modern Family’s most flamboyant queen, Eric Stonestreet, Diaz is having the time of her life. And so are we.

That her character’s entire motivation is to raise money for fake tits so she can land a rich husband sums up her selfish, narcissistic viewpoint superbly. We’re thankful she’s not a real teacher, but we’d love to add her to our stable of bitchy gal pals.

If only to tell us what it’s like to dry-hump Justin Timberlake.

Opens today in theaters everywhere

Photo Credit: Gemma LaMana