Put Some Gay In Your Day, Dallas!

Cocktails With Bite

After a long day of hiding razor blades in apples, deep-cleaning our autopsy table and setting bear traps on the front lawn, Halloween can be downright exhausting. And the children hardly seem to appreciate the effort.

So to relax after our chores, we instinctively turn to alcohol like a teen wolf to a basketball. But we crave a spirit that’s truly in the spirit of All Hallow’s Eve. Sorry, Elvira, beer doesn’t count.

No, we want something top-shelf that sucks the sobriety right out of our body. That’s why this year our official Halloween vodka is Vampyre Red. Not only is it America’s first red vodka, it makes a cocktail that really gets the conversation started. Deep ruby red in color, it actually has a bit of viscosity that gives it “legs” that slowly drip down the inside of the glass after every sip. How bloody cool is that?

Now when we have vodka dripping down our face, people won’t think we’re just another sloppy drunk. They’ll think we’ve been off in a corner attacking the necks of virgins. (Far more socially acceptable if you ask us.)

There are many ways to enjoy Vampyre Red, but we like ours simply chilled in a martini glass because the dripping-blood effect is intensified with the cooler temperature of the alcohol. Plus, this triple-distilled vodka is smooth enough to drink without a mixer if you’re so inclined. Add just a twist of your favorite citrus (and a splash of simple syrup if you must) and that’s all you need.

It’s also pretty cool served in test tube shot glasses. Or in a slow IV-drip for that all-day buzz that makes every holiday better.

$23, 750ml
Available at liquor stores and online at bevmo.com