There are occasions when a swimsuit from Target will do just fine. Like floating down a grungy river on an inner tube. Or jumping into a steel drum filled with ostrich intestines and spoiled mayonnaise on Fear Factor.
But there are also times when you need to bring out the fancy suit to impress your friends. Like an underwater prom. Or standing around a gay resort where it’s more about posing poolside than doing cannonballs.
To sufficiently impress, that swimwear would have to come from Vilebrequin, (French for crankshaft), one of the world’s premiere couture-style swimwear lines.
Made out of spinnaker canvas, the Saint-Tropez-inspired swimsuit created in 1971 dries quickly in the sun and wind.
Available in a variety of lengths, we prefer the more modern MASTER style (pictured) with its shorter cut. There are tons of amazing patterns to choose from, and each comes with side pockets, a Velcro back pocket, and rear eyelets for air evacuation (so you don’t get badonkadonk butt in the pool).
Wearing these, you’ll immediately appreciate the attention to detail. Your suit will set you back between $220 and $240, but your twink boyfriend can squeeze into a a boys’ version for just $120.
Because a couple in matching swimsuits isn’t gay whatsoever. No, not at all.