Put Some Gay In Your Day, Dallas!

Gyration Nation

Hollywood loves a stripper with a heart of gold.

Except this time, it’s a dude.

Magic Mike thrusts its way into theaters today, but the advance screening (complete with an in-auditorium performance by local male dancers), convinced us of one fact of life more than ever.

Allow us to get one tiny thing off our not-so-chiseled-and-waxed chests: Women ruin the stripper experience for gays.

Please don’t misinterpret that, either, ladies. We love hanging out with you in almost all other scenarios.

But in a gay bar where there are naked men working for tips, you’re just stealing our thunder. After all, most of the dancers are straight and would rather have a woman slipping Benjamins into their Johnson holders anyway. If you weren’t there, we’d at least still have a shot at Happily Ever After.

And what’s with all the shrill screaming at the sight of a naked man? Male strippers are designed to be worshiped, for sure, but in a subdued, sophisticated, quiet manner that facilitates gentle caressing of the thighs prior to the ultimate goal of G-string currency insertion and meaningful conversation about the European debt crisis.

Plus, like the club in the film, there are places where you can be silly or slutty or just sociologically curious. We wouldn’t invade the sanctity of your flesh palaces, so kindly give us a chance to be alone with our Hunters, Kaydens and Logans. At least one night a week.

So back to Magic Mike.

Utterly predictable, and occasionally slow, it’s still a decent movie that provides plenty of grade-A celebrity eye candy for straight women and gay men alike.

And in that darkened theater, we are more than happy to share.

Magic Mike opens today