Put Some Gay In Your Day, Dallas!

Pa Rum Pum Pum Pum

If it’s one thing that immediately reminds us of the holiday season, it’s the smell of liquor on our grandmother’s breath.

This year, however, we’re going to make sure that there’s also the slightest hint of nuts. And brown sugar.

That’s because we’ve found a delicious gift that everybody on our list will love. It’s the Tortuga Golden Original Rum Cake, baked in the Caribbean and shipped directly to your door. Each cake is glazed with five-year-old oak barrel-aged Tortuga Gold Rum and vacuum-sealed for freshness.

Because of the alcohol content, the cakes have a yearlong shelf life. So they’re perfect for stocking up any Armageddon bunker, panic room or Just In Case I Get Stuck In An Elevator Emergency Kit.

Tortuga Rum Cakes are also available in chocolate, coconut, banana, key lime, coffee and pineapple flavors for the sake of variety in your boozy confection consumption.

Plus, they’re far more delicious than any fruitcake.

Except maybe that alarmingly soft-skinned guy we met on Scruff.

From $24.95
Buy one 16-ounce cake, get one half off (discount automatically taken at checkout)