Put Some Gay In Your Day, Dallas!

Building A Better Cookie

We always leave Chinese restaurants pissed off. Because their low-end fortune cookies just don’t accurately predict the future like they used to. We’ve never won a dime from the lottery numbers, either. And not once has learning the Chinese word for “fallopian tube” come in handy.

Well now, there’s a new fortune cookie set that is officially one of our go-to hostess gifts for the season.

They’re Christmas and Hanukkah themed treats from the folks over at Super Accurate Fortune Cookies. Featuring clever Christmas messages (“If you’re a lord, please stop leaping. You’re scaring the children.”) and Hanukkah words of wisdom (“Our holiday isn’t as cool as theirs, but we run all the banks.”)

The Christmas cookies are red (strawberry) and green (mint), while Hanukkah colors are blue (blueberry) and white (toasted coconut). The flavors are fun, but we love them more for their brief sentiments of snark.

It may take eating the entire box to determine if they really are 77% more accurate than regular fortune cookies, but even if they’re not, at least they’re delicious.