Put Some Gay In Your Day, Dallas!

The Holiest of Sandwiches

On our last trip to Rome as the official international gay liaison to the Vatican, the soon-to-be-former Pope invited us to the staff cafeteria for lunch.

It was pretty typical stuff. Spinach-artichoke dip served with Body of Christ Snack Crackers. Blood of Christ Sangria. And, of course, in honor of that loaves-and-fish scripture, all-you-can-eat fried mackerel.

But there was one thing that really caught our eye. The Grilled Cheesus station where every sandwich featured the image of the Son of God. Sure, we’d already made a pilgrimage to New Mexico to see that tortilla with the Virgin Mary on it, but this was so much better than that.

Now, you can make your very own Grilled Cheesus without the expense of airfare to Italy or the weeks of lockjaw recovery resulting in frequent visits to the Cardinal Steam Room. Instead, enjoy a freshly made sandwich fresh from your kitchen.

Just a few tips. Wheat bread works the best to enhance image visibility. Two to three slices of cheese is ideal, and try to keep the cheese away from the edge of the bread to prevent gooey leakage. Finally, give the sandwich a few minutes to rest after removal from the press so you’re not burned by Cheesus.

And lest you think the makers of this sandwich press are going straight to hell because of their warped sense of humor, they’re really decent people. A portion of the profits from all sales of Grilled Cheesus go to organizations around the world to feed the hungry.

Praise Gouda!