Put Some Gay In Your Day, Dallas!

Kissy Face

Today isn’t just Valentine’s Day, it’s also the day we commit random acts of face sucking (RAFS). That’s right, it’s a tradition that goes back to the years when we had no sweetheart and decided to take it upon ourselves to kiss as many men as possible in a single day.

Our record of 417 from 1992 still stands.

Over the years, our lip-lock adventures taught us one very important thing: Moisturizing is key. Oh, and not kissing men while they’re undressing in the men’s locker room at the gym. So that’s two lessons we’re paying forward.

So today, whether you’re making out with someone for the 3000th time or the first after a successful hookup on Scruff, treat your pucker face to Elite Therapeutics Elite Lip Balm.

Its special blend of orange peel oil, Açaí extract, pomegranate and rice bran oil all work together to give you the most supple face pillows of any man in town. Beeswax helps to seal and protect the skin while hyaluronic acid plumps and reduces fine lines and wrinkles.

Elite Lip Balm is easily one of the most enjoyable things we’ve ever rubbed on our lips. Well, except our grandmother’s lipstick when we used dress up as Annie and belt out “Tomorrow” from her wheelchair while twirling a feather boa.

What, did you think we were going to say penis?