When we win the lottery, things are going to change. With our millions we’ll hire people to do all the things we hate doing for ourselves.
Current open positions include, but are not limited to: Senior Molar Flosser, Level III Fitted-Sheet Folder and Vice President in Charge of Hard-to-Reach Manscaping.
And because we’re feeling especially lucky with this week’s numbers, feel free to start sending in your résumés, cover letters and head shots for consideration. After all, these jobs will be in high demand thanks to our competitive salary structure, full medical benefits and 401K investment matching.
However, there’s one task that we hate more than all others and finding the right person for that job is going to be our highest priority due to its high level of trust and precision. That’s right, we’ve said it before and we’ll say it again, we HATE to shave. Bane of our existence, really.
So until we find the ideal candidate to take over this sometimes twice-daily ritual, we’ve found a way to get one of the most comfortable shaves possible. It’s not technologically advanced, either. In fact, it’s pretty darned old-fashioned. But it works. And it’s cheap!
Check out the Premium Shave Set by Van Der Hagen. The hypo-allergenic shave soap is filled with moisturizers that soften even the toughest beard better than nearly any ordinary shave cream. The secret, though, is using the ceramic bowl and brush to make a thick, luxurious lather.
In fact, this set makes shaving so enjoyable, we might just perform the task ourselves and hire a Chief of Dog Poop Patrol instead.
