Any remaining tidbits of childlike innocence lurking within that one final cell in our body is gone forever thanks to Evil Dead. This scarier, gorier and far more sinister update makes the original 1981 campy cult classic look like a Disney film in comparison.
Gone is most of the humor (but not all) in the tale of a group of young adults trapped at a secluded cabin after the recitation of verses from an evil book unleashes a world of unholy demons. The fact that the book is bound in sewn-together human flesh and security-sealed with barbed wire should’ve been a tip-off that the contents were even scarier than this.
The result is 90 minutes of cringe-inducing, mind-numbing terror so grotesque and disturbing that you’ll either laugh hysterically through the nervous discomfort (as we did) or curl up in a ball anticipating the next several weeks of consecutive nightmares.
And while there’s nothing gay at all about the film save for an even more disturbing girl-on-girl scene than anything we’ve ever accidentally stumbled upon at Youporn, we’re pretty confident that horror-lovin’ homos will find this spectacularly over-the-top.
It’s been more than 20 years since we last turned away from what was happening on a movie screen, but Evil Dead broke that streak. On at least two occasions we simply couldn’t bear to watch.
Now we can’t wait to see it again.
Opens today in theaters everywhere