Put Some Gay In Your Day, Dallas!

Kal-El Fornication


Talk about a Power Top.

Hollywood has officially crowned a new Superman and he’s quite possibly the hottest, hunkiest, most f!@#able to date.

We’ve even devised a plan to become a super-villain. Our name would be Professor Rufus E. Ville, but we’d prefer to be simply called Roofie Man for the sake of Daily Planet headlines. Our goal wouldn’t be to control the word, just get Supey into our lair where we’d have our way with him. And maybe a nice dinner.

Pardon our horndog digression, but it’s difficult to not be awed by Henry Cavill in Man of Steel. One of his first scenes is shirtless and there’s an audible gasp in the audience at the sight of his Adonis-like physique. No padding required on this Supersuit.

Man of Steel, a darker incarnation of the adventures of America’s favorite do-gooder, features a more in-depth look at the origins of Kal-El and his home planet of Krypton before he’s blasted toward Kansas to assume the identity of Clark Kent. In fact, the entire movie has a lot more Star Trek-y laser space battle sequences and sci-fi elements than we typically see in Superman movies.

And that makes for an interesting backdrop to intersperse with moments of our muscle-bound dream lover’s struggle to control his powers, quite the difficult feat when he’s going through Superpuberty. Of course, he eventually meets Lois Lane (Amy Adams), who’s brings a welcome bit of badass to the time-tested damsel in distress.

The epic story unfolds in 3D, which is excellent. His bulge jumps right off the screen.

Man of Steel
Opens tomorrow in theaters everywhere

Photo Credit: Warner Bros.