When Kathy Griffin’s in the room, nobody else matters. Her ability to make us writhe in pee-withholding pain induced by hysterical laughter is only overshadowed by our intense desire to worship her like the comedic goddess she is.
After covering her whore-like domination of the being-funny business for close to six years now, we’ve written about her more than any other celebrity. Even Alec Mapa, whom we featured three times in the span of a month.
But we finally got Kathy (we’re on a first-name basis now) to sit down for an interview, which is a bigger get in our world than Oprah’s planned post-rehab exploitation of heart-to-heart with Lindsay Lohan.
Gay List Daily: Thank you so much. We’ve been trying to get an interview with you for years. It’s truly a thrill.
Kathy Griffin: How can I not have done an interview with you at a place called Gay List Daily when my life is the Gay List Daily.
GLD: Who knew it would be easier once you became über-successful.
KG: You’re darn right. I’m looking at your web site and it really is quite beautiful. I’m ready to treat the gays in Dallas Adjacent to quite a night. And I love people who say Dallas Adjacent because I love me some Grand Prairie. But it’s not going to stop me from making fun of them for being Dallas Adjacent.
GLD: Not a problem. We all just say Dallas for everything unless we’re making fun of a suburb ourselves. Much easier that way.
KG: What’s the name of the gay neighborhood in Dallas?
GLD: Depends who you ask. Some people call it Oak Lawn, some people call it Cedar Springs, but the main area is near the intersection of those two streets.
KG: (Laughing): For one second I thought you said the streets get death threats. I thought only in Texas would a fucking cross street with gay people get death threats. (Speaking in a heavy Texas accent): “Dear Streets of Oak Lawn and Cedar Springs, I’m gonna kill you gay people.” We’re not there any more, Honey. DOMA’s gone, Prop 8 is gone, we’re gonna talk it all out in my show.
GLD: You come to Dallas a lot, but Grand Prairie is a lot different than when you performed at the Meyerson Symphony Center.
KG: Oh my God, I love that place, but the rent’s too high. You know, that’s how touring really works. I don’t want to shatter your bubble, but it’s really quite simple. The way touring works, an artist only plays a venue that’s affordable. So I’d like to say that I played the symphony hall because I’d been taking my cello lessons, but really I only popped for the rent that one time. I really do love playing Dallas for real.
I’ll be bringing my heterosexual younger boyfriend, so just go ahead and start your judgment. I know how you gays are. You’ve got a lot of nerve. Let’s cut the shit. You guys invented it and now I can’t have any fun because my boyfriend just happens to be 18 years younger. You judgmental son-of-a bitch.
GLD: Oh we’re not judging. We’re jealous. The only thing, when we look him up online, you’re always in a bikini and he’s practically in a scuba suit or burka coming out of the ocean.
KG: (Laughs heartily): No, I know. It’s actually really funny. He goes in the water with a tank top. I don’t know, probably because I convince him a lot of the time that he’s fat and he’s going to lose me and I’m going to dump him for a 24-year-old. Young guys, you’ve gotta keep them on edge.
GLD: Oh yeah. Keep their self esteem low.
KG: Do you think you can predict the activity of Grindr during my show?
GLD: It’ll probably be like Twitter during Sharknado. It’s going to shut down the whole Grindr system for sure.
KG: You know it’s interesting that you say that. I’m actually giving out an award to…
[interview edited after we promised not to reveal her comments, which she does anyway a few minutes later].
KG: Oh shit. I shouldn’t have told you that. Fuck. Anyway, let’s say that you knew someone who was giving out an award to a groundbreaking film. A film that changed the way we saw…fish. And I don’t mean vagina. And yes, so I’m a little too excited to be giving out an award at the Young Hollywood Awards, and this is like a televised, legit awards show. It’s going to be televised [Thursday night] and they asked me if I wanted to give an award out to the cast of The Hunger Games, or Twilight or any movie that young Hollywood people might like. Boom, this conversation’s over. Sharknado.
GLD: You know they’re doing a one-time midnight screening Friday night all over the country, right?
KG: Well they should because it goes like this: Gone with the Wind, let’s throw in Platoon, and then since this is a gay site, let’s go ahead and throw in Showgirls and Burlesque. And Sharknado. And we put them in a time capsule and we send them to Mars.
GLD: Well, they discovered water on Mars so the whole Sharknado thing could really freak them out.
KG: Oh, can you imagine the sharks there? They could actually be in the middle of a Sharknado on Mars and we wouldn’t even know about it.
Come back tomorrow for Part 2 of our interview with Kathy where she’ll reveal her thoughts on Justin Bieber, Harry Styles possible bisexuality and her record-breaking place in standup history.
Kathy Griffin Live in Concert
Friday, August 9, 8:00 p.m.
Verizon Theatre at Grand Prairie
Photo Credit: Mike Ruiz
Promos for Homos:
Our fave, Kathy Griffin, is coming to Dallas in a few weeks and we’ve got an exclusive hook-up just for friends and fans of Gay List Daily: $20 tickets to see Kathy Griffin! Go to axs.com and use the password KG2013 to get yours. (See top right of the page for the “Buy Offer” button.) Offer ends August 2, so get to it!