Put Some Gay In Your Day, Dallas!

The Lone Ginger: Part 2

dal-08_01_13

Summers are always packed with sequels. And we’re no different.

In case you missed the first installment of our interview with Kathy Griffin, click here. Otherwise, sit back and read the rest of our chat with our favorite redhead funny lady in anticipation of her upcoming Dallas show next weekend.

Kathy Griffin: I have a question for you. Where are all the gays with Justin Bieber? Are you into him now, have you kind of had it with him? Or what?

Gay List Daily: We don’t know about the gay population in general, but since we’re being put on the spot to speak for the entire gay community, we’ll venture to say we’re tired of him.
KG: I definitely want to say as the heterosexual female population that we’re definitely tired of him. If you lose the gays and the ladies, you’re in trouble, Biebs. I know you have like 41 million followers, but you’re running out of groups. The teens are fickle, they’re going to be onto the next. We’re going to be breaking down the Biebs and his rather quick demise. It was rather speedy and we’ll be talking about how Grand Prairie and Dallas in general survived even just one year with Khloe and Lamar. Is there lasting trauma? I know there have been a lot of studies that that kind of trauma can take a while.

GLD: We’re coping as well as can be expected.
KG: We’re certainly going to be talking about your beloved Harry Styles saying that he’s pretty sure that he’s not a bisexual. Let me tell you why. As someone who dated several bisexual men in the ’80s and ’90s, my loving response to someone saying they’re bisexual is, “Give it a week.” Now my life is filled with gay pride events and celebratory DOMA events where I run into someone I slept with three times in 1991. And his husband.

I’m all for the LGBTQIA2 community. I’m trying to figure out the 2, I’m not going to lie, but I’m very excited about the idea of Harry Styles possibly being bisexual because I’m what’s called a Directioner. And by the way, my good friend Morgan Spurlock is actually doing a documentary about One Direction right now. He’s in London and it’s so funny, you know who Morgan Spurlock is, right?

GLD: Oh, yes.
KG: He’s like 51, hetero as it gets and knows everything about One Direction. Just giving you a little tip. You might want to request an interview with Morgan Spurlock now because when this movie comes out, the LGBTQIA23456 community is going to be all over him. Actually, with Harry running around banging Taylor Swift and then saying, “I might be bisexual,” I now have empathy for Taylor Swift, someone I very much enjoy making fun of. Because while I was not, this is a shock, a 6-foot-1 gorgeous model in high school with 10 million dollars, I also have dated the bisexual. So for one day in my life, I can say I’m feeling what Taylor Swift is feeling.

Now how are you feeling about the Housewives in general. Are you over it? Is there one city you like better? Where are you with that?

GLD: Over it. NeNe Leaks is the best thing to come out of all of them. We’d be fine to get rid of the rest of them.
KG: Well, you’re in luck, because I guess she has a spin-off and is already in a lawsuit because of her spin-off.

GLD: Naturally.
KD: By the way, I’m going to brag. I just shattered the record for the most ever recorded standup comedy specials in history. From the days of records to CDs and DVDs to actually televised specials, no one, male or female, has ever done what I have and I’m just a girl. Just a lowly, lowly female in a male-driven world. I’m going to do my next one in November, so I’m going to break my own record. I’m going to be doing material in Grand Prairie that’s gearing up for that next special, which will break another record that nobody will give a shit about.

But you know what? I love it too much. I have a standup comedy disorder, I don’t know if I can go to rehab for it, or be put on a 5150 cycle, but I would like to. That sounds rather relaxing to me.

I also took my gone-but-not-forgotten, two-season talk show, Kathy, and it just went live on iTunes two days ago so you can buy it very cheap and enjoy many, many wonderful guests. But I feel that show was not seen. Maybe I should have been NeNe and the housewives and getting into physical altercations with my 93-year-old alcoholic mother. Maybe my mom and I should’ve sued each other. Maybe I should’ve gotten some DUIs, although I don’t drink. Anyway, as I look at the Housewives constantly in the news, I’m thinking maybe that was my mistake. I didn’t get arrested even one time.

GLD: There’s still time.
KG: I agree. There’s more to life. Especially when I’ve got the young boyfriend, I’ve got a new lease on life. I’ve got decades more to get arrested. God only knows what for.

GLD: Look at Paula Deen. One word can change your whole world in an instant. We have faith in you to do something horrible.
KG: Who knows what I could do on New Year’s Day to Anderson Cooper! I could implicate him in a crime he didn’t commit.

GLD: Is anything happening with that talk show of you two together?
KG: I don’t think so. I just talked to him last week. It’s CNN and I love CNN, but I love doing New Year’s so much. I feel like they are very obviously shifting and trying to find a little bit of a newer identity and they’ve had success with that Anthony Bourdain show. I think they just need to find their bearings a little bit. Are we going to be straight-up news? Are we going to throw in food shows like Parts Unknown? Are we going to have Kathy and Anderson do something that’s a little lighter? We did a pilot and it was a lot of fun, but I think we’re both wondering if this is the right time.

So in the meantime, I’m touring like an animal, and in addition to your beloved Grand Prairie, I’m literally playing everywhere. From Peoria to Carnegie Hall in November, headlining at the Sydney Opera House and then, wait for it, the week after I see you guys, I will be performing on a gay cruise in Mykonos.

GLD: Jealous!
KG: Please let me just encourage you. Just for fun, just Youtube “Gays in Mykonos.” The stuff that comes up is so unintentionally hilarious, and intentional. By the way, this is my second gay cruise in Mykonos, so I know what I’m in for. But I’m bringing the straight boyfriend who does not at all know what he’s in for. He has not never seen a four-foot ice cock sculpture in his life. And that’s mandatory on the gay cruise. You walk in, you’re greeted, you see the ice cock sculpture, you marvel at the detail. And then as the cruise goes country to country, the cock melts. It’s kind of a metaphor of a relationship. So I will be dragging my heterosexual boyfriend on the cruise and he doesn’t event know what Daddy Night is. We’ll be going to the afternoon tea dance parties and I think he assumes we’ll be actually drinking tea. It’s gonna be a fish out of water. It’s going to be his personal Sharknado.

GLD: Just keep him away from the aft Lido deck after dark.
KG: Oh, you mean where they call the jacuzzi “Egg Drop Soup?”

GLD: Exactly.
KG: I’m very excited because this is going to be my sixth gay cruise. I’ve even done the lesbian cruise and let me tell you, those gals are tough. And I’ll say it right to their faces, too. Because God forbid you make fun of the kids. God forbid you make fun of a lesbian’s kids. Oh, everybody’s kids are sooo precious and gifted. So I did Rosie O’Donnell’s cruise and I did two shows. After I did the first show, I bombed so bad with the lesbians she actually came out on stage and yelled at them. She said, “That’s it. I’ve had it with you lesbians. You better start laughing. She’s not really making fun of your kids. She’s a comedian.”

After that, my second show went really well. But all audiences are different. I’m excited to see who shows up at Grand Prairie. I’m sure it’s going to be some Dallas folks and some suburban folks and you never know what gay just made the drive from… I was gonna say Hunstville, but I’m actually playing that on this tour. And though I can’t tell you what my act is going to be yet, who knows what’s going to happen between now and then, but it’s going to be improvisational. And hopefully offensive.

GLD: That’s our only dream. That combination. Stop right there.
KG: Actually, I do have to go. I believe it might be for Huntsville, actually. Just make sure everyone has an open mind. Leave the Bible at home. I don’t want to shock anyone’s virgin ears.

GLD: Oh come on, please.
KG: Thank you. I really, really appreciate it.

Kathy Griffin Live in Concert
Friday, August 9, 8:00 p.m.
Verizon Theatre at Grand Prairie
www.axs.com

Photo Credit: Mike Ruiz

[hr]

Promos for Homos:
Our fave, Kathy Griffin, is coming to Dallas in a few weeks and we’ve got an exclusive hook-up just for friends and fans of Gay List Daily: $20 tickets to see Kathy Griffin! Go to axs.com and use the password KG2013 to get yours. (See top right of the page for the “Buy Offer” button.) Offer ends August 2, so get to it!