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The 701 Club: New Year 2015, Elly May Clampett & Harry Reid

Sister Helen Holy-010715

Our spiritual leader Sister Helen Holy is back again this week to share her good Christian perspective on the news.

New Year 2015: 2015 has arrived, brothers and sisters, and Christ has YET to return. May I suggest that you all get busy getting right with the Lord? I’m not talking about paltry new year’s resolutions which will be broken faster than a Las Vegas wedding. I’m talking about real change. Being on your knees every day at work for the second coming, offering your tongues in the kind of praise that ignites spiritual ecstasy, or anointing one another with the oil of human kindness. These gestures, my children, will prepare each of you for a certain rapture. Hallelujah!

Elly May Clampett: God bless Elly May Clampett. She has crossed the rainbow bridge to join her beloved critters in Heaven. Actress (and well-known Christian) Donna Douglas played the blonde bumpkin bimbo from 1962-1971 (long before most of you heathens were even born, but still in your hearts thanks to TV Land). With her passing, we are left with the alarming fact that the last Beverly Hillbilly standing is Jethro/Jethrine. This, my devoted followers, is surely a sign of the end times. Y’all come back now, ya hear?

Harry Reid: Let us pray for Senator Harry Reid who was recently injured while exercising. I feel certain that this is the LAST time Brother Reid will attempt to reach across ANY aisle. Amen.

Sister Helen Holy of the First Southern Fried, Self-Satisfied Baptist Church is the arbiter of all that’s good and Christian in this world. When not ministering to heathens at events on dry land nationwide, she can frequently be found taking her ministry to the high seas on RSVP Cruises, where she spends most of the week on her knees “in prayer.” Be sure to follow Sister Helen Holy on Facebook at www.facebook.com/helen.holy.

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