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The 701 Club: Superbowl, Mitt Romney & The Oscars

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Our spiritual leader Sister Helen Holy is back again this week to share her good Christian perspective on the news.

Superbowl: Brothers and Sisters in the sports ministry, the Lord has revealed his picks for the Super Bowl. The West vs. The East, Seattle vs. New England. Seahawks vs. Patriots. Chickenhawks vs. Tea Partiers. Oh dear, I’d best stop devolving this match up before it gets any worse. I just pray that Super Bowl Sunday doesn’t affect church attendance. Now we wait and see which filthy music act will be parading its sins around for the halftime debacle. Let us kneel, brothers and sisters.

Mitt Romney: That Mormon, Mitt Romney, has threatened to run for President again in 2016. After his lackluster showing in the 2012 elections, one might think that he would leave well enough alone. However, years of bicycling the country in a white shirt and black tie and annoying fine people in their homes has taught him to not give up in the face of rejection. Apparently, I’m going to have to get my Moroni costume out and make an appearance at his next barbecue. Mormons tend to obey such visions. My message will be simple. Brother Mitt…stop it.

The Oscars: Oscar nominations have been announced. As a rule, I don’t watch any movie unless Billy Graham is associated with the film. However, in order to fight the wickedness of Hollywood, I have resorted to viewing this year’s filth. The favored film for Best Picture, BOYHOOD, was filmed over a dozen years time with the same actors, aging and growing up in real time. Such torture. A dozen years with the same cast and same director! Brings a whole new meaning to 12 Years a Slave. Praise!

Sister Helen Holy of the First Southern Fried, Self-Satisfied Baptist Church is the arbiter of all that’s good and Christian in this world. When not ministering to heathens at events on dry land nationwide, she can frequently be found taking her ministry to the high seas on RSVP Cruises, where she spends most of the week on her knees “in prayer.” Be sure to follow Sister Helen Holy on Facebook at www.facebook.com/helen.holy.

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