Our spiritual leader Sister Helen Holy is back again this week to share her good Christian perspective on the news.
Academy Awards: Sodomites and Liberals had their night on Sunday, as the 87th Annual Academy Awards were held. Such a parade of filth and left-wing propaganda. However, because I’m always prepared to fight the enemy, I watched every minute of it. Here’s my overview. Neil Patrick Harris is a sodomite who will walk onstage in his skivvies in order to save a slew of bad jokes. Hollywood hairdressers are not all fully-abled homosexuals because Emma Stone’s apparently only had one arm and Patricia Arquette’s was a heterosexual. Cate Blanchett has joined a commune of Lesbyterians in Santa Fe. J Lo was hiding extra rolls of toilet paper under her outfit. Jesus Christ introduced Patricia Arquette. Lady Gaga had a bowel movement all over Madonna’s aspirations. And Sean Penn hates Mexicans. Amen.
Same-Sex Marriage: While I’m on the topic of Sodomites and Lesbyterians, same-sex marriage has come to, of all places, ALABAMA! This can only be the beginning of the following end-times signs…redecorated, jointly-owned double-wides; flat-bed truck weddings; receptions serving Mimosas made with Cold Duck and Tang; and the remake of DELIVERANCE into a love story. Save us, Lord!
Rudy Giuliani: And now, please join me in prayer. “Lord, I come to you with a burdened heart for Brother Rudy Giuliani. Bless this man who has endured a failed marriage, a run for President in which not a SINGLE caucus backed him, and his current gasps for relevancy in the media. Please, Lord, calm the waters of this man’s life. And remind him that You love him just as Obama loves America. Such affirmation of that kind of love will surely comfort him. And forgive the rest of us who wish you’d just call him home. Amen.”
Sister Helen Holy of the First Southern Fried, Self-Satisfied Baptist Church is the arbiter of all that’s good and Christian in this world. When not ministering to heathens at events on dry land nationwide, she can frequently be found taking her ministry to the high seas on RSVP Cruises, where she spends most of the week on her knees “in prayer.” Be sure to follow Sister Helen Holy on Facebook at www.facebook.com/helen.holy.