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The 701 Club: Leonard Nimoy, The Dress & CPAC

Helen Holy-03_04_15

Our spiritual leader Sister Helen Holy is back again this week to share her good Christian perspective on the news.

Leonard Nimoy: Let us mourn the passing of another godly Jew. Brother Leonard Nimoy gained fame and fortune as the other-worldly Vulcan, Dr. Spock, on that sci-fi trash, STAR TREK. As all fans of the show are aware, Dr. Spock’s most famous greeting was the raised hand with fingers spread in a scissor-type fashion. Live Long and Prosper. It is now being revealed that this hand gesture was inspired by something Brother Nimoy had seen as a child in an Orthodox Synagogue. One can only assume that this hand gesture originated during a Bris thus giving us new knowledge that all Vulcans were circumcised. Live Cut and Prosper!

The Dress: Faceplace and the interwebs have been abuzz over the true color of one of the most god-awful dresses I’ve ever seen. Fervent arguments have erupted over whether said dress is blue and black or white and gold. Scientists are claiming a difference in how people see color as an explanation. The Lord has revealed the TRUTH to me, of course. If you see white and gold, you are on a path to Heaven and eternal life. If you see blue and black, I suggest preparing for a heated after-life. Hallelujah!

CPAC: CPAC had its recent convention near Washington, DC. Conservative darlings verily were bent over in an effort to receive butt kissings from the right. Brother Rand Paul emerged as the favorite to be the great hope for these CPACers. Brother Jeb Bush was actually booed at the convention. Let us all now pray in agreement that CPAC stands for Conservative People Are Crazy. Amen!

Sister Helen Holy of the First Southern Fried, Self-Satisfied Baptist Church is the arbiter of all that’s good and Christian in this world. When not ministering to heathens at events on dry land nationwide, she can frequently be found taking her ministry to the high seas on RSVP Cruises, where she spends most of the week on her knees “in prayer.” Be sure to follow Sister Helen Holy on Facebook at www.facebook.com/helen.holy.