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Indiana, NSA & Miss Japan

Helen Holy-04_01_15

Our spiritual leader Sister Helen Holy is back again this week to share her good Christian perspective on the news.

Indiana: HOOSIER Lord and Savior, people? I wish to recognize the lawmakers of the great State of Indiana for their bold move to pass legislation allowing my fellow Christians to refuse service to any perceived sodomites or lesbyterians on the basis of religious beliefs. What joy that this Midwestern Eden will now be taking us back to the days of lunch counter protests, and keeping America on the straight and narrow. I am currently taking up an offering, the proceeds of which will take these fine Indiana politicians on a glorious chartered jet tour of France with a slightly melancholy pilot. Bon Voyage, Hoosiers!

NSA: I am remembering in prayer the brothers and sisters affected by the melee at the National Security Administration Headquarters this week. I am bereaved that two people felt the need to try to break in and were gravely injured in the process. However, I am struck by the specifics which tell us that the two intruders were men dressed as women. Which begs the question. Were the armed guards threatened by the perceived invasion or were they merely responding too aggressively to bad drag? Girl, No!

Miss Japan: I don’t normally wish to give any attention to beauty pageants which parade women around like chattel. However, news is news, and I must respond. In the quest for Miss Universe (are there similar pageants on other planets?), the new Miss Japan, representing the city of Nagasaki, is of mixed race, with a Japanese mother and a black father from Arkansas. The Japanese people are simply not having this, claiming that this young woman isn’t Japanese ENOUGH. To counter these protests, I am suggesting a replacement Miss Nagasaki, complete with kabuki make-up, bound feet, off the shoulder kimono, decorative obi and a generally atomically bombed hair style. Surely this will appease the masses. Omo o sanbi! 主を賛美

Sister Helen Holy of the First Southern Fried, Self-Satisfied Baptist Church is the arbiter of all that’s good and Christian in this world. When not ministering to heathens at events on dry land nationwide, she can frequently be found taking her ministry to the high seas on RSVP Cruises, where she spends most of the week on her knees “in prayer.” Be sure to follow Sister Helen Holy on Facebook at www.facebook.com/helen.holy.

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