These are End Times, Brothers and Sisters. Join me in praying about these recent current events.
[dropcap style=”square”]Waco[/dropcap]I received much of my inspirational training at the Great Institution, Jerusalem on the Brazos, known to most sinners as Baylor University. The downside of studying the Word at this sanctified space is having to live in the hell hole of Waco, Texas. Over 20 years ago, other alleged religious zealots were driven to lunacy by the confines of this modern day Gomorrah in the famed Branch Davidian melee. Now that burden of municipal misery has reared its ugly head once again this past weekend. Biker gangs went berserk at the Waco restaurant, Twin Peaks, resulting in unfortunate deaths. Undits are asking why. Law enforcement is puzzled. Brother and Sisters, let me, in my divine knowledge, break it down for you. When one aspires to be a vicious motorcycle gang member and then realizes that the turf one is representing is WACO, one will eventually snap. Let us pray.
[dropcap style=”square”]Weirdos[/dropcap]Director David Lynch has confirmed that he will be bringing back his filthy noir-ish television show, “Twin Peaks,” in 2016. His publicists have confirmed that, although there will continue to be undertones of looming psychopathic carnage, there will be no motorcycle gang back stories in any upcoming episodes. Note to file.
[dropcap style=”square”]Whacko[/dropcap]South Carolina Senator Lindsey Graham declares he is running for President in 2016 because “the world is falling apart.” I couldn’t agree more. The world IS falling apart, and the fact that Lindsey Graham is running for President is a sure sign of that. See what I did there?
Sister Helen Holy of the First Southern Fried, Self-Satisfied Baptist Church is the arbiter of all that’s good and Christian in this world. When not ministering to heathens at events on dry land nationwide, she can frequently be found taking her ministry to the high seas on RSVP Cruises, where she spends most of the week on her knees “in prayer.” Be sure to follow Sister Helen Holy on Facebook at www.facebook.com/helen.holy.