Put Some Gay In Your Day, Dallas!

The 701 Club: Debates, Degenerates & Disrobing

Helen Holy-10_21_15I’ve waded through the muck and filth of this week’s news so you don’t have to. Here is my cleansed outlook on all of it.

Debates: Lest I be accused of showing political favoritism, let us turn our eyes to the spectacle of debating Demoncrats this past week. Chiefly, let us consider Brother Sanders and Sister Clinton. I am fully aware that there were other participants, but who really cares? Both of these liberal hacks spoke intelligently and fluidly about this great country. There was no finger pointing or name calling. In fact, it was all rather Christian, in spite of there being a Jew in the mix. I pray that the Repugnicans will learn to SHOW their affection for all things Christian rather than merely proselytize about it. Until then, I’m going to have to go with the liberal socialists. They may not CLAIM to be Christians, but consider me fooled. On a related note, when someone asks me if I care to comment on a dissenting viewpoint, I shall be taking a lesson from Sister Clinton and add the simple word “No” to my lexicon. Praise!

Degenerates: It’s getting difficult to keep up with the signs of the end times! I’m reeling from the news that, after over 50 years of filth and degradation, Playboy Magazine will no longer publish photos of fully nude sluts. In their place, slut manager Hugh Hefner has agreed to keep photos of women in “provocative poses”. I can only assume that this will mean pictures of women thinking, educating or teaching. ALL activities which provoke thought, in my opinion. Of course, this is a bittersweet victory. Playboy won’t have titties in 7-11, but you can see far worse in the comfort of your own home with a mouse-click. Let us pray.

Disrobing: Well, just gag me. Vietnam sympathizer, Jane Fonda, has recently admitted in an interview that she went skinny-dipping with Michael Jackson while filming the beautiful film, On Golden Pond. I just can’t. I mean, surely she knew she was safe in Miss Jackson’s presence, but what if Kate Hepburn had joined in? And all of this in the presence of her father, Henry Fonda? Oh dear lord, bile is speeding to my throat. I have to lie down.

Sister Helen Holy of the First Southern Fried, Self-Satisfied Baptist Church is the arbiter of all that’s good and Christian in this world. When not ministering to heathens at events on dry land nationwide, she can frequently be found taking her ministry to the high seas on RSVP Cruises, where she spends most of the week on her knees “in prayer.” Be sure to follow Sister Helen Holy on Facebook at www.facebook.com/helen.holy.